VENUS AND MARS
The Relationship Planets
By Amanda Owen
Sometimes it seems like members of the opposite
sex are not even from the same galaxy - let alone the same solar system. As
society continues to discuss the differences between men and women and how we
can better understand each other, astrology offers a beautiful perspective on
how we can understand and honor ourselves and therefore better understand and
respect members of the opposite sex.
Just as everyone has a Sun sign, everybody also has a Venus sign and a
Mars sign. If a planet existed in our solar system when you were born, then it
is in your astrological birth chart. Each planet in the chart symbolizes a
different aspect or part of the personality.
Mars is the planet that represents how we go after what we want, how
we take action, how we put things into motion. Venus is the planet that
represents how we relate to ourselves and others. It symbolizes self-worth - how
we value ourselves and therefore others.
Traditionally, people who have written about astrology have said that
Venus represents women and Mars represents men. That means that in a man's
astrological chart Venus represents his idea or ideal of women and that in a
woman's astrological chart Mars represents her ideal of men. This concept is
easy to understand when we look at our culture.
Since Mars represents how you go after things, to fully utilize this
planet you have to live a life that allows you to put plans into action. What
happens if you are a woman and your family or culture does not support or allow
you to express yourself in this way? For many women this has meant that their
own need to take action has been lived through the men in their lives, their
husbands, sons, and brothers.
Venus represents relating. To fully utilize this energy you have to
live a life that supports and encourages you to relate to and value others.
What happens if you are a man and your family or culture does not allow or
support this expression in men? For many men this has meant that their own need
to be sensitive to the needs of others, to relate in a way that demonstrates the
others' value, has been lived out through the women in their lives, their
mothers, wives, and sisters.
In
America, these ideas and roles are beginning to change. We now
have women who are the presidents of companies and men who are home taking care
of children. Our ideas about who men and women are and how we should be relating
to each other are beginning to change. But - and this is an important point - we
were all raised by women and men, mothers and fathers, who taught us by their
own example about the old ways of relating. As we try to understand the opposite
sex, learn how to negotiate a relationship, and figure out what feels right and
wrong for us, we are doing all of this having been born and raised under a set
of rules that do not completely apply anymore.
In the "old" world, the men did the "doing" (Mars) by going out in the
world and becoming providers and the women did the feeling and relating (Venus)
by staying home and taking care of the kids. We now live in a society that is
moving in a direction where more opportunities, roles, and ways of thinking
about ourselves are possible for both sexes. This means that both men and women
can experience the full potential of both Mars and Venus. However, to do this,
it helps to understand that many if not most of us are learning from scratch.
Our mothers and fathers could not teach us to experience both Mars and Venus
because they did not grow up in a world where that was possible. You can't teach
what you don't know.
Let's say you were born into a society that never let you see or
mingle with the opposite sex. Your entire life was spent in the company of the
people who were the same sex you were. That means that both your Venus and Mars
would be wholly symbolic of your own expression. Venus would not belong to women
and Mars would not belong to men. Both would belong to each person.
Let's say that you lived in a society where everybody was treated equally. Both
sexes had equal chances at all opportunities and jobs. And that was O.K. with
everybody. That would mean that both Venus and Mars would be wholly symbolic of
your own expression. Venus would belong to both men and women and Mars would
belong to both women and men.
It is only when a family or society does not allow a particular trait
or expression that it is lived out through others. For women this has meant that
there is not support for being a go-getter. For men this has meant that he has
difficulty expressing his feelings, sensitivity, and compassion.
So what is a feisty Aries woman or a sensitive Pisces man to do? A
happy supported Aries woman is out leading the masses in some adventure. A happy
supported Pisces man is creating a beautiful piece of music or out feeding the
homeless. He is certainly comfortable expressing his feelings. A frustrated
Aries woman is arguing with everyone or trying to control some one else' life.
An unhappy Pisces man is tuning out the world and escaping his feelings through
isolating himself from others.
Our ideas about who a woman is supposed to be and who a man is colors
our relationships and interferes with allowing ourselves to be truly who we are
instead of some one else' idea of who we should be.
This is how astrology traditionally associated the outgoing principle of Mars
with men and the receptive, relating principle of Venus with women. What
happens if we re-examine Mars and Venus and let one person express both?
How To Read The Venus-Mars Chart (below)
Let's look at the positive and negative expressions of each sign and
see how they are expressed by Mars and Venus. We will use the phrase "I act" for
Mars and "I relate" for Venus.
If your mate is behaving in a way that you see in the negative column,
then check your own behavior and make sure you are behaving in a way that is
from the positive column. Let’s use an example.
If you are a woman and have your Mars in Aries and your mate is
impatient and argumentative (from the negative column), then check your own
behavior to see if you are comfortable being spontaneous and assertive (from the
positive column). If you don't know how to assert yourself comfortably, then you
might want to get a book that teaches you how to be assertive or you may want to
talk to people who know how to assert themselves comfortably.
If you are a man with your Venus in Cancer and your mate is often moody (from
the negative column), then check your own behavior and see if you are
comfortable with being sensitive and compassionate (from the positive column).
If you don't know how to express your feelings comfortably, then talk to others
about ways to get more in touch with your feelings. You may want to consult with
a therapist.
The goal here is to make sure you are in touch with the most positive
expressions and qualities of your Venus and Mars. If you are out of touch with
those qualities then you are very likely to be in a relationship with someone
who is expressing the most negative side of your Venus and Mars.
*** THE VENUS - MARS CHART ***
If comfortable with myself, I act (Mars) or
relate (Venus) in a way that is:
If uncomfortable, I act (Mars) or relate
(Venus) in a way that is:
Positive
Negative
Aries
spontaneous impatient
assertive argumentative
adventurous
combative
Taurus
reliable stubborn
affectionate lazy
loyal
possessive
Gemini
communicative superficial
versatile scattered
playful flighty
Cancer
sensitive cranky
compassionate
moody
nurturing
evasive
Leo
dignified arrogant
generous selfish
confident
bossy
Virgo
kind
critical
perceptive
finicky
helpful subservient
Libra
cooperative
indecisive
fair
dependent
friendly
inauthentic
Scorpio
sensitive domineering
passionate
secretive
powerful
manipulative
Sagittarius
honest
irresponsible
enthusiastic self-righteous
philosophical
tactless
Capricorn
responsible inhibited
serious
pessimistic
respectful
rigid
Aquarius
independent rebellious
original inflexible
inventive
non-committal
Pisces
empathetic unreliable
imaginative
inconsistent
affectionate
gullible
When we respect and honor ourselves in relationship, which is symbolized by expressing the positive expressions of our Venus and Mars, we are attracted to people who are also respectful of us.
As you cultivate awareness of the positive and negative expressions of your Venus and Mars, see if you can shift your emotions, attitudes and behavior to their happiest and healthiest expressions. You will reap the benefits in your relationship with yourself and with those close to you.